Worry

Decongestant = speed.

I am in no shape to be posting. I have a cold and decided to take a decongestant. For me it should be deemed illegal as I feel about as strung out as a kite. It is not normal to be doing laundry at three in the morning. I should have known something was amiss when it didn't fluster me to be running over a cement median with our 12 passenger van. Honestly, it was raining and I just couldn't see it. I let out a whoop and a holler of delight and carried on my merry way. My kids would have loved it.

So....I'm a little chatty.

I am in probably one of the many waiting periods of the adoptive process. The home study is done and we are waiting for it to be typed up, notarized and sent to the placement agency. We are also waiting for a final approval from our placement agency saying that they want to work with us. After speaking with a friend the day before, she made note that the agency doing the home study could reject us along with the placement agency. I had never before even considered the possibility. However, with me being in a medicated and overly hyper state, my mind started to think that we could possibly be denied. Although, I am sure they would have a valid reason had they seen me run over the cement median. Maybe our family is too big or maybe our disciplinary practices aren't what they'd prefer? Could we really be denied?

By nature, I am not a huge worrier and to do so is pretty uncharacteristic. It's draining and honestly...it's a lot of work and energy. Having nine children, 13 yrs. old and younger, will either cure you of the worry bug or have you peeking over the edge of insanity at frequent intervals. In fact, I know in the past that some have misinterpreted my lack of worry as a lack of caring. I guess I see it as that I have had enough exposure to "oh crap" situations to know when and what to worry about. But please let me preface this with four words; I am still learning.

Here is an exhaustive list of the things that will worry me in my household of nine children:

1) quietness
2) blue faces
3) impaled objects
4) spurting blood
5) lying / disobedience and disrespect
6) not accepting Christ

Please note that broken bones did not make the above list because you can't die from this.....unless, of course, it's your neck, in which case that would really bite.

Here is a list of things I do not worry about. It is NOT exhaustive and just includes the most immediate things:

1) colds / flu
2) screaming (unless it's because of spurting blood or impaled objects.)
3) broken bones (but I do feel kinda bad)
4) falling (it's all part of the learning curve)
5) arguing
6) clothes that don't match
7) children not eating (unless it's because they are turning blue...)
8) bumps, bruises and scratches
9) college
10) gum collected and chewed from unknown locations

I am sure there are fellow mothers out there that could either add or subtract from the above lists with great ease, thoroughness and humor. Please feel free to do so!

Really, in the whole scheme of things, worry is useless and painful. I will always remember when I went to the altar to pray and plead for my children's' future with the Lord. The burden of worry from this was about more than I could take. How was I going to lead them? Would I know how? What if I failed because I didn't do enough? It was in the midst of all this that the Lord reminded me that, while growing up, no one in my family taught me in any ways of the Lord....how was it then, that I came to know Him? This was an "A-HA" moment for me that communicated that it wasn't all up to me and that ultimately it was in the Lord's realm of control. This was a relief. How egotistical and out of place it was for me to think I could control more that I could. He orchestrates and I am supposed to follow....not the other way around. Oh, if only it were this easy! It is obvious to me that the enemy uses worry to paralyze us and make us ineffective. All I have to say about this is "Satan get thee behind me and Lord please protect and lead me from worry". He's been faithful so far and for this I am so thankful.

All of the sudden it has gotten really quiet (item #1 on the list of things I worry about the most). I think it's time for me to sign off! Good nite!