Thursday, January 20, 2011
WARNING: What I am about to post is not the most flowery post you have feasted your eyes upon. And please do not misunderstand me, we can't wait to hold the precious child that the Lord chooses to put in the arms of our family. We would go (and may have to!) to Hell and back to bring the new member of our family home......but the process itself is enough to deserve several comments.
Ok. I am just going to say it. I think that adoption, in general, is a racket. I don't know of any arena like adoption, where people pay thousands of dollars to get turned inside out, upside down and sideways only to be made to feel "less than". It's like paying to get beaten.
I got a call from our home study agency yesterday wanting clarification on several issues. Okey dokey. Then I am told in a cheery voice that the agency's supervisor will only approve us for the adoption of one child. Our heart was very open to a sibling set. The reason being that she felt that we had "too many" children and that we couldn't handle more than one child at a time. As I have come to find out, it is common for adoption agencies to limit large families to just one child. I am actually ok with this as I feel this whole adoption is in the Lord's hands and this is what He has chosen for us. The only thing that kind of tweaks me is that a restriction was handed down solely based on the assumption that large families can't and don't take care of children like smaller families can. It is a prejudice. Our caseworker was pulling for us and stated that she tried to paint us in a light that would encourage her supervisor to think generously of us.
Then.....our placing agency contacted me and said that she felt that the agency would approve us. HOWEVER, she had an issue that needed further clarification. She felt that I would need to go further into detail about my eating disorder as a 15 yr old. Holy crap! That was over 27 freak'n years ago! It's been resolved and is no longer an issue and hasn't been for over two and a half decades! She wanted to make sure this would not affect my parenting!!! I have nine children!! They are my walking resume for crying out loud! Do they really think this would be an issue?
Is there no grace?
I understand they are doing their due diligence and advocating for the children being adopted, but the extent of it seems on the verge of ridiculous and manipulative. There are millions of children needing homes and this process of adoption is weeding out people who could potentially be amazing parents. And where does this leave a majority of the children in need? Still parent-less, still sick and still unwanted. Where really does the true heart lay in the adoptive process....the money? The power to make people feel desperate and not good enough? Truly, it's enough to send parents groveling. To some extent there seems to be an element of cruelty.
Here's the thing, there is not one person who is perfect. People who have flaws that have been healed / resolved are usually much better parents than if they had never had these flaws to begin with. But the adoption process does not make room for this. It wants perfection......i.e. people who lie.
Oh, I don't know. I am sure that every parent who has adopted has gone through this frustration. There is no way I can be original in my thoughts on this. I do feel certain we will be "accepted" but the process of being made to feel "less than" is disturbing at best.....makes this mama bear want to stand up and fight.