Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Our Van...

Our Van is my hero. It is a 12 passenger olive green beauty that has serviced our family faithfully for over seven years now. I remember wanting a van like ours as bad as a single man going through mid-life crisis wanting a Porche. It was my dream. At first, my husband was horrified that our family size had actually come to the point of needing this type of vehicle.....a real live clown car. Our Van has witnessed things, heard things and smelled things that no innocent bystander should ever have to endure. It is the moving location of many heartfelt conversations, heated ones too, and comments that were funny enough to make the books. At some point in the next year, due to another huge increase in family size, (a new baby, and two new adopted sons) I will have to hand the keys over to another proud owner. And I will look silly, because I will be crying. It will be like giving away a museum of memories. Surely I can add extra to the price of the van for the value of these? Don't answer, because I already know but don't want to hear it.

It has also been the mobile restaurant of many family meals on the run. And as a result, pieces of the family meal have gotten left behind in crevices, pockets and under seats ( and on rare occasions, the door jams). It is a major undertaking to clean the van well. Many times I have joked that our van could be the perfect eco-system for a small animal which could definitely live well fed for several weeks....yes, I was joking.

And now I'm not.

Yesterday, as we prepared to take the clan swimming, I opened the van to find an array of rodent turds on all the van seats. Looking upon the dashboard of our van, I saw what looked to be dried streams of urine and footprints of the offenders. The paw prints looked alarmingly large and much like a squirrel's. There were so many droppings, I feel quite certain that this was not the work of just one looked like they had eaten a life time's worth of fiber and decided to have a turd laying contest. Here's what I do know. Someone won.

This morning, I woke up to more little torpedoes of poo on the van seats. Not only that, there was what seemed to be a chewed up pencil on the dashboard. But to top it off, there was chewed plastic chards on the floor where some worthless piece of fur attempted (and was maybe even successful) in chewing a hole into the wall of the van. I am envisioning driving our van down the highway with parts just flying off until we just are left with the seats and the chassis of the van....all compliments of our poop obsessed rodents with a teething problem.

I just need to admit it right? Isn't true that once you admit a problem you can then deal with it? "Hi, my name is Thea and my precious van has a rodent problem." Oh my gosh, I can't believe I said this. A rodent problem? IN A CAR??????


What a sad statement. A rodent problem in a car. Our car. Actually, it's kind of hilarious in a very demented way. My husband doesn't think so. And, sadly, this fact makes it even funnier.

We will have to deal with this some how. We may have to put traps in at night and see what we come up with. No more eating in the van and we need to start closing the doors after we come in from a trip. Many times, our doors remain open especially when our smaller doobies come in last and are too weak to shut the sliding door that is 20 times their weight.

I would love to hear if any of you larger families have had this problem. It sure would make me feel better. Even if you haven't, could some of you at least lie so I won't feel as pathetic as we probably really are?

Ok. Onward and upward. I will keep you updated and maybe we will have a couple of extra pets by the end of this fiasco......or a couple of mini pelts. :)


  1. oh my goodness! I am soooo laughing with you! I had a feeling the tone of your voice on the answer maching you had something funny to tell me...Darn I missed talking to you but got the enjoyment of reading this....

  2. Ha ha! Sorry, never had a rodent problem in the van! But, we did have one in our basement. And, we would especially find the mice in the couch or under the couch because of all the food crumbs there. Traps with cheese got rid of them. The boys really loved looking at those dead mice after we caught them. Great for homeschooling! LOL

  3. You're on your own with this one Thea. I'll be interested to hear what the 'offending' animal turns out to be, though! Never a dull moment in the Lewis household...or van!

    I was just telling someone yesterday about the homeschooling bumper sticker on said green van. You're a hoot!

  4. So that is absolutely the most disgusting thing I think I have ever read or even remotely heard of. And the fact I willingly let my children hang out with your's is cause for great hygienic concern...not to mention your kids possibly corrupting mine by their laziness, lack of thoroughness in picking up after themselves and your idea of keeping a household in all regards...because as everyone knows, that does include all vehicles. I have only ever dealt with petrified hot dogs, cheeseburger rock frisbees, Nutrigrain bars so far gone the only real way one can ID them is by the wrapper and chicken nuggets turned rubber erasers... but never the rodents on our least in the van. We do, however, have experience in raising a gigantasized, larger than life mouse in our home by the sheer amount of food on the floor alone. My kids choose to play ignorant when it comes to the use of a broom. Our crapped out rodent didn't even have to disturb any of our pantry food cause he had Thanksgiving every night on our floor. Though I will say...if it's a squirrel???!!! How can you not know you're riding with a squirrel??? They're so big you can seatbelt them in. A mouse is understandable...but seriously, a squirrel?? And the fact you have to set a trap for it is even more disturbing. You can always borrow one of Grayson's live traps. You're gonna need it based on turd size. Love you, friend. And when you do finally get around to cleaning out your van.....come do mine next.

  5. Nikki, it sounds as though you might be channeling Brad....are you missing him? :) And just so you know, the state of NC does not require that squirrel's over the weight of 20 lbs be restrained...but I really appreciate your thoughtful concern. I am calling an exterminator today.

  6. Well, by Tx state law unless any passenger is under the age of 8 they must not only be belted in but restrained within a carseat...which I know you have plenty of. But given your rodent turd size he may very well be over the age limit of 8. Aside from age, if he is under the weight of 85 lbs...NOT 20... he must be belted in also...which I desperately hope he is under for your sake. If he exceeds 85 lbs you need contacts....and a few less kids. So get an exterminator...or make room for an additonal belted passenger. I kinda like the idea of the extra passenger. I don't agree with killing things...especially little innocent creatures that have never harmed you.