I thought I had everything figured out.
I have a slow learning curve. This is the only thing I do have figured out.
Because for the one hundred thousandth time, I have been proven wrong. Crap. I don't even have being wrong figured out.
Most of the time, I hate being wrong....it's bad for my image. It doesn't look good with anything I wear. But there are those precious times where I am grateful for being wrong....relieved even.
Today, I am revelling in being wrong. I was wrong about losing hope. I should know by now. Like I said, slow learning curve. Last Friday, I was informed that Ethiopia was cutting back on their adoptions by 90%. This was the country from which we had wanted to adopt. This could mean years in waiting for a child to grace our family. What's even more devastating, is that this could also mean countless deaths for children who don't have time on their side. It wasn't looking good for our chances to adopt from this country. Was God even wanting us to adopt at all? Curious, I investigated other programs and even looked into adopting a waiting child from our very own state of North Carolina. Our family size restricts our ability to adopt in almost all of these situations. Again, were we really being called to adopt? Were we being called to have any more children at all? Could my heart be lying to me? Maybe I just had it all wrong....you know, chasing the wrong dream, barking up the wrong tree, going down a rabbit trail...etc.
So, to sum things up, Ethiopia was looking grim, other programs yielded the same and I had a negative pregnancy test. Fruitful thoughts weren't exactly knocking at my door begging to come in. Hope was in danger of being a casualty. Having a hard time really understanding why Ethiopia did what they did, I called our adoption agency to get a better understanding of the details. I hadn't had any contact with them since we had decided to put a hold on our adoption. The Ethiopian program director was thrilled to hear from me and informed me that I had been on her mind. In fact, our family had been the topic of conversation at the agency.
Here is why.
There are two girls. Ethiopian sisters. Their current adoptive situation is not working out and they are in need of a family.....possibly our family. We were being asked if we would consider these two sisters.
How was I going to present this to Steve? Would our older children be receptive to the idea? Was this the Lord calling us to duty? I felt certain that my husband's response would determine this.
I asked if we could go out for coffee so we could talk. He was suspicious and kept prodding me to tell him what was up. He was wondering if I had spent too much and was attempting to ease the blow over a cup of Joe? Had one of our children done something that would require long term medication or jail time? Was Victoria Secret invited? My poor sweet tortured partner soul. We finally ended up at a Wal*Mart looking at coffee makers when I spilled the beans (no pun intended!). I could tell he was relieved it wasn't something really awful but still disappointed that Victoria Secret stood us up. He was quiet and then stated that he thought it was a "cool idea" and that we should look into it. His only concern was our oldest daughter and how she would handle the possibility of having a partner in being 12. This really was an unknown only to be met with a cheery "I'm fine with it." from our eldest daughter.
Green light so far.
We have asked the agency for more information and are now waiting. Most of the decision of where these sisters will end up is up to the adoptive mother. I have no idea what she is going through right now....I can't imagine. This is just the beginning of something potentially huge. Honestly, I just have no words right now. I had no idea this opportunity would arrive in our laps like this. Please pray for these girls, their adoptive mom and the decisions that have to be made. Pray that she has clear thinking and pray that the girls are resilient through all of this. It's a hard situation that I pray we can be an important part of easing. Please just pray.
My head is spinning and I am at a loss for words. I will keep you all updated.