Monday, May 16, 2011

Coming Clean....

It is time to let you all know what has been happening.

I was contacted several days ago about a set of brothers aged 3yrs and 8mos. Their mother had gotten into some legal trouble regarding domestic violence and she and the father of the boys were ordered to stay away from them for a period of one year. As a result, the little boys were unceremoniously dumped off at their grandparent's home. This is where the call for help came to me. The grandparents already have custody of two other older children from their wayward daughter....hence they could not take on the further challenge of two more tiny little grandchildren. Through a friend, they asked if a family could be found to take the children.

My husband and I were eager to lend our family and our home to help these brothers. It was a no-brainer and we would avail ourselves for however long was needed.

I was given the grandmother's number to contact and on the other end of the line was a defeated and exhausted woman who had given up hope. In turn, she had called the Department of Social Services to come get the boys to have them put into the foster system. As of my call to her, DSS had yet to get custody of the boys.....there was still hope. She obviously had no idea that she would be signing them away potentially forever if she did this. Before I had made this call to her, I had contacted my social worker to get some counsel on what could be done. All that needed to be done to keep these boys out of the "system" was to have the mom and the dad sign custody over to the grandparents and then they could sign over the custody of the boys to a "private family" (hopefully us) that could help them keep the boys out of foster care. It would take a little footwork to get this done, but it would have life long positive ramifications for these little boys.

Here's where my husband and I have become utterly exasperated.

The grandmother appeared to not want to do this even though she expressed a strong interest to maintain contact with the boys. She said she was too tired and needed to think about it. What's to think about?????? Unfortunately, I was in California visiting my Mom when this all came down. I begged her to hang on for two more days and then I could come in and help her with the boys.

She said she couldn't.

She wouldn't.

Can I tell you how helpless I felt? Later on the same day, I called but there was no answer. I left a message offering to talk with her daughter and the father and offer legal help. I also offered childcare to come in at our expense to take the pressure of her until I came back.....I stated the ball was in her court and that she knew my number and that we were here to help. All this may sound like bribery to get the boys, but what it really is, is the attempt to keep these boys out of the foster system. Schindler's list. He paid. I will pay too.

There was never a call back.

I want to call back, but I am afraid that my further "intrusion" will just drive her further away from considering our family as an option to help her with the boys. And most likely it is too late. Her silence and lack of response can only tell me that she gave up. It is very possible she chose the easy way out and had the state take over......even after I informed her of the possible long term damage this could cause everyone in the family. These children will be irretrievable.

I just ache. Children aren't pets that you give away because you are too tired in the moment to deal with them. They need to be fought for. I have unwillingly laid down my boxing gloves in this one and fallen at the feet of my precious Lord asking for protection for these children....and this family. Will you pray for them too?


  1. Not the post I was hoping for and I share your frustration with your offer to help these boys not being taken. Perhaps there will be a silver lining at some point in all of this. Meanwhile, I'll join you in praying for these boys.

  2. Kristin, I hear you. I was praying for a different outcome as well. Because I am choosing to believe in a good and loving God of purpose, I believe that there is a silver lining....even if I can't see it yet. Thank you so much for your prayers!

  3. Thea, my heart is breaking right along with you. I'm so sorry things did not play out the way you wanted. Lots of hugs and prayers.

  4. Sadly, some people actually do trust the govt system more than individual people. I am sorry you couldn't help them but the Lord knows your heart and knows just who will be joining your family. Well, that sounds so cliche! Sorry bout that. You guys are awesome! Sandy

  5. How heartbreaking and in a way...sometimes taking the easy way out is the way to do things. In her mindset; this was easier to just sign them over and be done with it. It's just sad that her grand-kids have to "pay" the price due to their own parents actions. My husband was a foster child and knows too while how the foster system worked. He was a toddler when he was bounced into 17 foster homes in only one year. Strangely enough; his first foster home he always remembered and kept in touch that he was with for the first two years which were his most positive part of his childhood. He was taken out of that foster home since his foster mom became a widow and his birth mom wanted a foster married couple to raise him not a single foster mother. That was in turn a bad decision that the child services made to pull him out of a happy home and putting him many homes which was filled with abuse. He's now 40 and still keeps in touch with his foster mum that raise him till he was two years old. Our children adore her as well.

    Sometimes social services need to look at the whole picture. There's emotions involved; especially the children's.